It’s been forever since I wrote anything but….

here I go….

Meaning is deeply embedded in my life.

Through the stillness and present moments my gratitude for life has been nothing but amazing.

What is the first thing I think about as I open my eyes in the morning? Besides being in eternal love with my little girl.

The answer is fresh coffee – how can we live without it?

My choice of coffee has to be anything dark, smooth and hot!

I have to go but will write more soon🌻

The Thunder, Perfect Mind


The Nag Hammadi Library

Translated by George W. MacRae


I was sent forth from the power,

and I have come to those who reflect upon me,

and I have been found among those who seek after me.

Look upon me, you who reflect upon me,

and you hearers, hear me.

You who are waiting for me, take me to yourselves.

And do not banish me from your sight.

And do not make your voice hate me, nor your hearing.

Do not be ignorant of me anywhere or any time. Be on your guard!

Do not be ignorant of me.


For I am the first and the last.

I am the honored one and the scorned one.

I am the whore and the holy one.

I am the wife and the virgin.

I am <the mother> and the daughter.

I am the members of my mother.

I am the barren one

and many are her sons.

I am she whose wedding is great,

and I have not taken a husband.

I am the midwife and she who does not bear.

I am the solace of my labor pains.

I am the bride and the bridegroom,

and it is my husband who begot me.

I am the mother of my father

and the sister of my husband

and he is my offspring.

I am the slave of him who prepared me.

I am the ruler of my offspring.

But he is the one who begot me before the time on a birthday.

And he is my offspring in (due) time,

and my power is from him.

I am the staff of his power in his youth,

and he is the rod of my old age.

And whatever he wills happens to me.

I am the silence that is incomprehensible

and the idea whose remembrance is frequent.

I am the voice whose sound is manifold

and the word whose appearance is multiple.

I am the utterance of my name.


Why, you who hate me, do you love me,

and hate those who love me?

You who deny me, confess me,

and you who confess me, deny me.

You who tell the truth about me, lie about me,

and you who have lied about me, tell the truth about me.

You who know me, be ignorant of me,

and those who have not known me, let them know me.


For I am knowledge and ignorance.

I am shame and boldness.

I am shameless; I am ashamed.

I am strength and I am fear.

I am war and peace.

Give heed to me.


I am the one who is disgraced and the great one.

Give heed to my poverty and my wealth.

Do not be arrogant to me when I am cast out upon the earth,

and you will find me in those that are to come.

And do not look upon me on the dung-heap

nor go and leave me cast out,

and you will find me in the kingdoms.

And do not look upon me when I am cast out among those who

are disgraced and in the least places,

nor laugh at me.

And do not cast me out among those who are slain in violence.


But I, I am compassionate and I am cruel.

Be on your guard!


Do not hate my obedience

and do not love my self-control.

In my weakness, do not forsake me,

and do not be afraid of my power.


For why do you despise my fear

and curse my pride?

But I am she who exists in all fears

and strength in trembling.

I am she who is weak,

and I am well in a pleasant place.

I am senseless and I am wise.


Why have you hated me in your counsels?

For I shall be silent among those who are silent,

and I shall appear and speak,


Why then have you hated me, you Greeks?

Because I am a barbarian among the barbarians?

For I am the wisdom of the Greeks

and the knowledge of the barbarians.

I am the judgement of the Greeks and of the barbarians.

I am the one whose image is great in Egypt

and the one who has no image among the barbarians.

I am the one who has been hated everywhere

and who has been loved everywhere.

I am the one whom they call Life,

and you have called Death.

I am the one whom they call Law,

and you have called Lawlessness.

I am the one whom you have pursued,

and I am the one whom you have seized.

I am the one whom you have scattered,

and you have gathered me together.

I am the one before whom you have been ashamed,

and you have been shameless to me.

I am she who does not keep festival,

and I am she whose festivals are many.


I, I am godless,

and I am the one whose God is great.

I am the one whom you have reflected upon,

and you have scorned me.

I am unlearned,

and they learn from me.

I am the one that you have despised,

and you reflect upon me.

I am the one whom you have hidden from,

and you appear to me.

But whenever you hide yourselves,

I myself will appear.

For whenever you appear,

I myself will hide from you.


Those who have […] to it […] senselessly […].

Take me [… understanding] from grief.

and take me to yourselves from understanding and grief.

And take me to yourselves from places that are ugly and in ruin,

and rob from those which are good even though in ugliness.

Out of shame, take me to yourselves shamelessly;

and out of shamelessness and shame,

upbraid my members in yourselves.

And come forward to me, you who know me

and you who know my members,

and establish the great ones among the small first creatures.

Come forward to childhood,

and do not despise it because it is small and it is little.

And do not turn away greatnesses in some parts from the smallnesses,

for the smallnesses are known from the greatnesses.


Why do you curse me and honor me?

You have wounded and you have had mercy.

Do not separate me from the first ones whom you have known.

And do not cast anyone out nor turn anyone away

[…] turn you away and [… know] him not.


What is mine […].

I know the first ones and those after them know me.

But I am the mind of […] and the rest of […].

I am the knowledge of my inquiry,

and the finding of those who seek after me,

and the command of those who ask of me,

and the power of the powers in my knowledge

of the angels, who have been sent at my word,

and of gods in their seasons by my counsel,

and of spirits of every man who exists with me,

and of women who dwell within me.

I am the one who is honored, and who is praised,

and who is despised scornfully.

I am peace,

and war has come because of me.

And I am an alien and a citizen.


I am the substance and the one who has no substance.

Those who are without association with me are ignorant of me,

and those who are in my substance are the ones who know me.

Those who are close to me have been ignorant of me,

and those who are far away from me are the ones who have known me.

On the day when I am close to you, you are far away from me,

and on the day when I am far away from you, I am close to you.


[I am …] within.

[I am …] of the natures.

I am […] of the creation of the spirits.

[…] request of the souls.

I am control and the uncontrollable.

I am the union and the dissolution.

I am the abiding and I am the dissolution.

I am the one below,

and they come up to me.

I am the judgment and the acquittal.

I, I am sinless,

and the root of sin derives from me.

I am lust in (outward) appearance,

and interior self-control exists within me.

I am the hearing which is attainable to everyone

and the speech which cannot be grasped.

I am a mute who does not speak,

and great is my multitude of words.

Hear me in gentleness, and learn of me in roughness.

I am she who cries out,

and I am cast forth upon the face of the earth.

I prepare the bread and my mind within.

I am the knowledge of my name.

I am the one who cries out,

and I listen.

I appear and […] walk in […] seal of my […].

I am […] the defense […].

I am the one who is called Truth

and iniquity […].


You honor me […] and you whisper against me.

You who are vanquished, judge them (who vanquish you)

before they give judgment against you,

because the judge and partiality exist in you.

If you are condemned by this one, who will acquit you?

Or, if you are acquitted by him, who will be able to detain you?

For what is inside of you is what is outside of you,

and the one who fashions you on the outside

is the one who shaped the inside of you.

And what you see outside of you, you see inside of you;

it is visible and it is your garment.

Hear me, you hearers

and learn of my words, you who know me.

I am the hearing that is attainable to everything;

I am the speech that cannot be grasped.

I am the name of the sound

and the sound of the name.

I am the sign of the letter

and the designation of the division.

And I […].

(3 lines missing)

[…] light […].

[…] hearers […] to you

[…] the great power.

And […] will not move the name.

[…] to the one who created me.

And I will speak his name.


Look then at his words

and all the writings which have been completed.

Give heed then, you hearers

and you also, the angels and those who have been sent,

and you spirits who have arisen from the dead.

For I am the one who alone exists,

and I have no one who will judge me.

For many are the pleasant forms which exist in numerous sins,

and incontinencies,

and disgraceful passions,

and fleeting pleasures,

which (men) embrace until they become sober

and go up to their resting place.

And they will find me there,

and they will live,

and they will not die again.



Toilets and hygiene facilities for the village women in Pakistan – I can’t find them anywhere…

It’s difficult to describe my feelings when I observed so many women in Pakistan living without clean drinking water, without protection when menstruating and without privacy when needing to defecate. I am describing my first trip to Pakistan – I was with a small team of people determined to film a short documentary regarding what was happening to the masses in the aftermath of the floods in 2010. We visited a number of small camps in the northern areas of Pakistan. No clean water, little food, no toilets, no education, however small tidy tents and lots of smiling children everywhere. I asked one woman – what do you use when you are menstruating? She replied – I use the ash from the fire to dab myself –  the very same area where she cooked their meagre meals. My thoughts were running – how can humans live in such a way but I was to learn that floods or no floods, millions of village women and children in Pakistan were living like this in 2010 and indeed right now – as I am writing this, nothing much has changed at all! What if it were me living in the village and under such conditions? The ground I was standing on started to feel shaky. My world was changing and it was extremely confronting. Once awakened to something much larger than myself, I could not run and hide but only to stand in the chaos, the extreme ignorance and suffering of mankind. Today, I no longer allow myself to become attached to what I perceive as suffering. Detachment has come at a cost however the journey into myself has been worth it. Entrepreneurial management is key to delivering services and saving lives especially in remote areas – for example, in Tharparkar, Sindh. There needs to be a courageous, new and bold approach IF people are serious about offering sustainable projects where dignified living is at stake. Because let’s face it, everyone has a mobile phone so why can’t we get clean water and decent hygiene facilities to the women and girls? So, let’s ask the question: why are the village women of Pakistan living in such conditions?

Ease and Grace

The decision I have made for my life is to work in and with, ease and grace.

If it had not been for my experiences in Pakistan, I may not have reached this point so early in my life.

I have been reflecting over the past week on how to reveal my story with a bit of class….

Everyday I am learning and transforming, it’s hard just trying to keep up with myself!:-)

Next week, I will tell you about my first trip to Pakistan!



Pakistan and Me!

The past four years have been the time of my life – a roller coaster of deep emotions, water issues, disease, lack of education on many levels, cross cultural misunderstandings and awful frustrations, the meetings of angels, the devil, and the opening of my heart.

I was pretty happy with my life. I lived in a beautiful house in Sydney and still do – with lots of different types of people from all over Asia and of course, all my animals. Everything was good but, to be honest with you, I had always been a person who needed to be on the move, experiencing different cultures, languages, food, humour, music and poetry – just different energies and, I really appreciated learning from other lands as my own culture did not offer me what I deeply desired and that was a journey into the mystical world. I’ve always been a traveller and my soul was restless.

Giving and receiving is an exchange of energy. I love to give for what else is there really in life on this realm but to give. Don’t get me wrong, I love my perfumes and fashions but I am a giver and that’s not my fault – I’ve been made that way! I also come from a family of givers.

Giving until you can give no more is a deeply interesting way of Being. I am, or rather I was, definitely someone who wanted to enter another realm of consciousness and I was interested to see if this was the path.

Actually, when I think about my life it was pretty damn boring before Pakistan. I had everything yet not what I needed – without sounding ungrateful, nothing really deeply satisfied me. My husband and I happily parted. I wanted more from myself  – I wanted to BE more – I wanted to feel more and see more of the unseen world. I wanted to enter another world and I did. I definitely did not want to repeat the first part of my life with mortgages, shopping, too many dinners, meaningless conversations and ridiculous and petty issues – I was over it completely and I am never to return.

Around that time, my love of poetry would consume me. The beautiful poems of Rumi and Ghalib are about God, beauty, water and of course LOVE. I was already in a different world but I did not know it.

I would spend my days reading poems and talking to my friends about the beautiful words and love. I was consumed by the words of the poems. How completely beautiful and how I yearned for those words to be part of my life. I did have a friend who introduced me to my own heart. I remember – we were talking about how many people in the world had died for our freedom and this made a direct impact on me.  How ungrateful was I to complain of anything and how gratitude from that day has played a very important part in my life – in fact it is everything!

What happened next was quite amazing: the floods of 2010 devastated Pakistan and for some reason I really took notice of this major catastrophic natural event! I had friends in Pakistan at the time with whom I was sharing poetry. I had never been to Pakistan and to be frank, I had never ever thought of going at all!

I made a call to a high profile Pakistani representative and suggested we do a little fundraiser together. I started working with him and it was indeed quite an enlightening experience. I was confident and efficient and I wanted to help. I was used to being in the company of polite and capable people so you can imagine my shock at the rudeness and arrogance on display but I was soon to learn that my demeanor was quite confronting. Yes, being confident and smart is an issue for these guys and what was I to do? Keep quiet and do nothing?

On reflection, he taught me a lot about how I was going to be treated by the many Pakistani men I was going to meet. It would have been a good idea if I had really taken notice but of course I didn’t. I was not smart enough it seems and definitely naïve. And, niave to how people would perceive me. I had no idea how suspicious the community is and why would they think of me as a possible CIA agent, Christian missionary, lover of Pakistani men, actually the list is endless. I do not blame them as it wasn’t about me at all, it was about them however it was baffling and upsetting for me at that time, as I was not equipped to understand their reasons for such thoughts. Four years on and I have embraced real compassion and a deeper understanding.

Today, as I write this blog, I absolutely have a freedom within myself that has developed because of misunderstandings and fear based thoughts from all sides, mine as well and I am deeply grateful for that liberty. I was also to learn how hurt and wounded the Pakistani people are and how misunderstood by the wider international community. With darkness as a close friend how could I expect anyone to trust me but you will be very pleased to know that actually plenty of people did and do trust me and I in return, trust them.

Pakistan and me. A very complicated relationship indeed.

I did not know where all my passion came from or what I was really doing. I was in the flow of something bigger than myself  and on reflection it was obvious that Pakistan was meant to be part of my life. I had knocked on the door of another world and the door opened for me.

The tears of confusion concerning relationship conflicts had started to fall almost immediately, a dull heaviness was beginning to surround my spirit and it was just the beginning of my heart being cracked open and, it hurt! Exhausting! I had little knowledge on how to actively separate my feelings and emotions. Everything seemed so powerful yet it wasn’t really. Just another learning curve 🙂

Lessons had be learned and I had no idea what was before me. I did not ponder on what could happen –  I was only interested in was the women and children. That’s it!

I had to get to Pakistan and see for myself how the people were living. I wanted to feel it! If you can feel it then you can take action, it becomes real and not just a tv screen and reporter telling you how it is…..and, I really wanted to see the truth of why?